My Visit to Japan, Earth
by Her Plastic Highness, Princess Leia, Pez Dispenser
With the impending release of the latest installment in our highly
acclaimed series of rebel propaganda movies, I decided it was time to
determine the current location of the emperor himself. After extensive
research I determined that he was residing in a territory known on Earth
as "Japan." I directed my Earth-based escorts to bring me to
this "Japan" at once. There I would make contact with
potential new members of the rebel movement!
Saturday
February 2nd |
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After a
week in this strange land my jet lag had finally worn off.
Accompanied by my two very tall royal escorts, I charted a course
for the temple of Ryoan-ji. There I discovered these lovely trees.
My translator informed me that they are called "Seuss
Tree," after a Dr. Seuss whom I assume to have been a very
practiced Zen gardener.
Yeah, that little speck is my own Royal Plastic Person! Seuss
Trees reminded me of Endor, but indeed I was glad there were none
of those stinky little teddy-bear-like critters.
Later that day I directed my entourage on
to Kiyo-mizu temple. Once there, I, Ms. Princess Leia, Pez
Dispenser, cast aside all royal pretence and rubbed the "Love
Stone." To my royal surprise, It worked! (And no, I didn't
command my escort to fall madly in love with me. I'm quite
confident he was attracted to my royal buns.)
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Tuesday
February 5th |
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At the
former Imperial Base of Himeji-jo castle, I put myself in the
shoes of an earthly princess from a long-gone era. Her quarters
wouldn't even be large enough to house the engineers to oversee my
bun-hairdo-maintenance droids!
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Thursday
February 7th |
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At my
royal plastic instruction the taller of my two escorts retired to
Tokyo. The sweet-talking blond one then managed transportation to
Hiroshima on the "bullet train." It was miserably slow,
but my escort insisted it was as close to light speed as they can
manage on this primitive planet. My first stop was at Miyajima
Island, where I cruelly demanded to be carried to the top of the
nearest mountain to take in the view. In the forest we spotted a
local shrine, which my escort claims to be the favored religion of
the local emperor. Being quite imperial myself, I stopped to
receive the greetings of the local deities.
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Tuesday
February 12th |
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Having
returned to Tokyo, I directed my diplomatic mission on to the
imperial shrines at Nikko. I haven't been that cold since that
dreadful ice planet! I almost froze my Royal Plastic Bottom off!
Oh, the terrible sufferings that must be endured by royalty.
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Thursday
February 14th |
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In the
imperial capitol of Tokyo I demanded a meeting with local
merchants to see about securing supplies for the voyage home. I
was pleased to meet Akira, a local admirer of my Royal Plastic
Highness. My interplanetary fame had brought me to Akira's
attention, and he was more than happy to show us his planet's most
advanced technology--wireless videophones from NTT DoCoMo. I was
pleased until he revealed that they will only work in imperial
territory.
My escort had spent time in a training camp known by the code
name, "The Stanford Business School." Several fellow
members of his training unit, including the mysterious one known
only as "Akira," joined us for a secret meeting. To my
surprise they insisted on having their picture taking with myself,
Princess Leia, Pez Dispenser. I know in my heart that these
imperial citizens were expressing sympathy with the rebel cause.
My mission was a success!
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